NickosCPC Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce, the judge says to Mickey 'I'm sorry Mickey, but your claims that Minnie is crazy are not good enough grounds for me to grant the divorce'. Mickey replies 'I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fu.cking goofy' haha love this one!
NorWester Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together. Edited September 11, 2012 by NorWester
Midfielder Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 reportedly from the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyer's Journal: Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for breathing?" A: "No." Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" A: "No." Q: "How can you be sure, Doctor?" A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Q: "But could the patient still have been alive nevertheless?" A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Sime11 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 penrith panthers 2011/2012 now it is Sydney FC 2012 - end of the world
Midfielder Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 WOMAN'S DIARY Sunday 24th February 2013 Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in. He hesitated but followed. I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about ten ! minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold. I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else. MAN'S DIARY Sunday 24th February 2013 Mariners lost. Gutted. Got a root though.
blameturner Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 WOMAN'S DIARY Sunday 24th February 2013 Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in. He hesitated but followed. I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about ten ! minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold. I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else. MAN'S DIARY Sunday 24th February 2013 Mariners lost. Gutted. Got a root though. hahahah gold
Sime11 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Q.what do macca's & australian govt have in common, A. they are both run by red headed clowns
pud23 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 A man was having sex with his wife, half way through he froze and stopped. The wife asked what's wrong? He said: Love, i've seen this on pornhub, it's called Buffering.. BruceL 1
Neverbloom Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) A man was having sex with his wife, half way through he froze and stopped. The wife asked what's wrong? He said: Love, i've seen this on pornhub, it's called Buffering.. lol would be horrible with a 56 k dial up modem Edited October 9, 2012 by TheGoatOfDoom
RBBKopite Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 What's the difference between (East) Sydney FC and a cheap hooker? The hooker is more likely to keep a clean sheet!!!
Midfielder Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles. OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?
elchapo Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 whats yellow and good at maths? a yellow calculator
Davo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 What's the difference between (East) Sydney FC and a cheap hooker? The hooker is more likely to keep a clean sheet!!! What's the difference between Del Piero and a cheap hooker? Del Piero spends more time on his back.
blameturner Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 A boy wants to impress his very first girlfriend, he figures the best way to do it is to take his girlfriend to prom. To make the night special, he needs a few things. First, he goes to a suit shop. There are alot of other boys there waiting in line to get a suit. The boy waits in line, and eventually gets his suit. Next, he goes to a flower shop. There are alot of boys there waiting i'm line to buy flowers too. The boy waits in line and eventually gets his flowers. Next the boy goes to a car dealer that rented out limos. There was a huge line there too. The boy was very patient i'm line and eventually rented the limo. The night of the prom arrived. The boy and his girlfriend danced and had a wonderful time. The girl got thirsty and asked the boy to get her some punch. He went to the serving table and there was no punch line. BruceL 1
julyaugustreno Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down
Ragey Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Whats the difference between a b itch and a s lut? A s lut will sleep with everyone at the party! A b itch will sleep with everyone at the party.... except you.
toffeewanderer Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 The cove. United conceding a penalty at old trafford
9edward Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 "Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
julyaugustreno Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Close thread, that takes the cake 9edward hahahahahahaha
RBBKopite Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Whats the difference between a b itch and a s lut? A s lut will sleep with everyone at the party! A b itch will sleep with everyone at the party.... except you. So stolen from 'Fear of a Black hat'. You know, so by the time they got back to the plantation from being in all the heat, they was too tired to rebel against their masters, right? So what we saying with Niggaz With Hats is, "Yo, we got some hats now, muh-****ers."
julyaugustreno Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 haha I have that on DVD kopite but I never really gave it much of a chance
Midfielder Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth."No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.....After about 20 minutes, the man's doctor came into the room."What's going on here?" asked the doctor.Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't youever seen someone having their temperature taken?"After a pause, the doctor confessed..... "Not with a Daffodil." BruceL 1
Tilton Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's murder. Footprints.
Carns Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Two of my all time (inappropriate) favourites: Why do women wear make up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink. ... And... What colour does a baby go if you put it in the microwave? I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.
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